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For about a year and a half after being diagnosed as "infertile" I focused all my time and energy into my fertility treatments and trying to bring a baby into this world. For a year and a half that's who I was and forgot about all the things that bring me joy. I felt like a zombie just trying to make it to the next cycle...the next time I would pee on a stick. Each month I got more and more bitter and angry. I forgot about the most important things to me.
It was my last month of fertility treatments and I panicked...these treatments have brought me hope for last six months and now it's going to be over. I didn't know what I was going to do with myself if I wasn't pregnant. I didn't know who I was suppose to be after these treatments. I stopped doing fun things and enjoying myself because "I might be pregnant, I can't risk it."
Two days before I was suppose to take a pregnancy test I was sitting on a boat watching every body have fun and I suddenly snapped out of this year and a half long "coma" I was in and decided it was time I take my life back. I decided I would try something new and I loved it! I sucked, but I loved it nonetheless.
I took that pregnancy test when the time came...it was negative. Surprisingly I didn't cry though. I wasn't numb, I wasn't bitter, and I wasn't angry. I just shrugged my shoulders and decided it was time to start living. Yes, I have had hard days since then but I have learned how to deal with those hard days. Don't let your trial make you into a bitter person but allow it to let you grow and become something extra ordinary. Take this time to find your passions. Don't let ignore your hardships but let it become a piece of you and let that change take place.